do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
