He uses pillows to masturbate.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
