Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So many bounce houses so little time
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
