This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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