oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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