she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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