Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
They have beer where we have blood.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
