Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
