I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
