Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
