You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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