i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
