Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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