It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
