Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you would pick up someone in the library
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
