Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
