I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
