the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
