dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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