I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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