Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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