I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
