This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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