i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
