You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
