Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
