So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I had to cum in my sink.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
