The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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