Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
