we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
