I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
