Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
