I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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