when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize