I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
