your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
