We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
