I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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