Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I need a burrito and a hug.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
