You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
