dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My dad just said "fuck circus"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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