Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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