fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
