my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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