The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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