the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Can I color on your dick again?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
