the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Two words: blizzard sex
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
