Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize