I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
