that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
