the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They have beer where we have blood.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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