when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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