my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
