I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
