i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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