I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
