he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
