Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
