There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize