Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
