how can u be prego again
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
