i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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