He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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