If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's blow job season.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
