i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
