i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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