Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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