He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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