I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
