I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
