I'm going to jail i love you
I think I am morally bankrupt
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
