I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
