I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
