I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize