Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize