how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
