She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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