i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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