I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You are a genius and a whore.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
