My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
a search helicopter?!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
