I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
