i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
