is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
