She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
