I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
