Its about making memories worth repressing
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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