Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
