new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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