FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
