i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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