just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
