Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize