I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
