Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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