it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize