Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My feet surprised me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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