You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
